i jhust puked up my retainher.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
