I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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