Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
