wanna go halves on a baby?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
