Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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