I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
