im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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