a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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