remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
