He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
