Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
