he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
