my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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