Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
