her facebook's as public as her vagina
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
