Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
