i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
