Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
