The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
