i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
