So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
