I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
