SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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