im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
