oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
