Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
