i would punch a child for taco bell
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
