Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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