chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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