wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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