So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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