and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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