Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
