my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
FUCK WHALES
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
