hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
