I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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