Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
