I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
