Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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