I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
