a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
