I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
