Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
