he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
