And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
