Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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