I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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