I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
