This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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