i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
