You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
